At this point I'd be happy if I found that on my ankle. But they didn't say that 'lab tests prove it.'" They were the brand that says they last just as long as the expensive ones - you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you? And you never quite believe that, do you? How many times will it take for you to learn? But there you are in the store, and one set is $17.99, and the other is $11.99, and you think, "They say they last longer. Now I'm thinking the batteries were the problem. Nothing had worked, so I concluded it was dead and got a new one. Nothing.Ī few months ago my wife's computer keyboard had ceased to work, and I'd gone through four sets of batteries trying to bring it back to life. I removed the replacements and tried four more. I got some AAs out of the drawer and replaced the old ones, setting them aside for recycling. One minute it shot out a shot of swab-sauce, and then it muttered and quit. I started Swiffering, and did two steps on the stairs before the machine ceased to expectorate. For the orphans.īut sometimes I make sure to Swiffer-Jet before my wife gets that look in her eye that says "bucket time." Then I can gloat: "Sorry, hon, already 'did' the floors." So hands-and-knees cleaning it is, I guess. The orphans could fall and injure themselves, and what began as a heartwarming little interlude ends in lawsuits and medical bills. Yes, I know the obvious objection: That's more dangerous. I mean, ye s, it's possible that a bus full of orphans will break down outside out house, and we'll have to take the kids in and amuse them with horseback rides, and then we'd see the small molecules of Crumbium, but what if we do that type of horseback ride where they're on your shoulders, and you're standing erect? You won't see the crumbs then. If you have to get down on your hands and knees to see what needs to be cleaned, perhaps it doesn't need to be cleaned right away? When are we down that close? My wife is more of a get-out-the-bucket-and-knee-pads floor cleaner, which I sometimes find excessive. I don't know how well it cleans, but it leaves a wet shiny patch, and that has to count for something. I like pushing the thing around, pressing the button, watching streams of Swiffer Juice spray in front of the pad. There's this thing called a "Swiffer WetJet," and it's wonderful for doing the floors without really doing the floors.
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